Parents are the first and main references of our children. Hence, we must pay attention to the language we use with them, but also to the way we behave and educate them. Hence, on a day-to-day basis, certain everyday situations in which parents see ourselves easily reflected in children and their behavior.
Throughout childhood, our children develop many learnings and carry them out through experimentation and observation. I would like to highlight learning by imitation, because it is key in this age of development.
In 1996, neurologist Giacomo Rizzolatti confirmed in animals that mirror neurons They are a group of neurons that are activated when a specific action is performed. Later, it was discovered that these same neurons also function in humans by activating the parietal lobe and the motor cortex of the brain.
Thus, now knowing these neurons, we can understand why our youngest children learn their first years through us. How many of you you have seen yourself reflected in your children? I have the opportunity to be in contact every day with the children's community and the response you can see in them is impressive, which at first came from you. Yes, we are an example for them! That is why it is so important that we be respectful and careful.
I am going to share seven examples that I have been able to observe and that help us to become aware of our actions and our words. There it goes!
1. Sit at the table please
And your son sits at the table and says "Mom, I'm already sitting at the table." You watch him and you realize that he has indeed sat at the table (literally on the table, instead of the chair).
Perhaps it would be interesting to reflect on our messages and the inconsistencies that we sometimes commit. Adult language is often removed from the most literal meaning, which the little ones welcome. So I accompany you in this search for language and concrete expressions that favor their autonomy and understanding of the message.
2. Mama, take the glass with both hands
How many times have you told your child to hold the glass with both hands? Surely when he sees that you catch him with one, he will also remind you. We are going to trust them and give them the opportunity to feel safe! They can hold the glass with a hand like us, perhaps what we should change is the size of the glass to suit their needs and rhythms.
3. I told you i'm on the phone
How many times have you been talking on the phone and have you had your child say to you 'mom, mom, mom ...' and so on countless times? Adults do not like to be interrupted when we talk on the phone, when we watch a movie, when we are doing the shopping list, etc.
Have you thought how many times we interrupt them? Without realizing it, many times we cut their moments, their spaces and especially their times. I give you some clues: 'Get off the swing that we are leaving', 'Save the cars that we are going to brush our teeth', 'Hurry up I'm late', etc. It is important to recognize what they are doing and validate their emotions.
4. Turn off the TV, pick up the stories and brush your teeth
Can you do it all at once? No right? Also, we get impatient when we have a long to-do list and we don't even know where to start. Exactly the same thing happens to them. How we communicate is key, short, simple and clear sentences. For them it is much more efficient to offer them the command to turn off the TV, begin to collect the stories and have them accompany us and go brush our teeth together.
5. In the end we don't go to the pool
Surprise, change of plans! How do you manage the change of plans? Normally before a change of plan, frustration appears due to the expectation and illusion that they had deposited.
- Don't blame them, there are no culprits here.
- Give them a voice and let them express their anger.
- Validate it: 'I understand that you are very angry.'
It is important to take care of and accompany frustration, give it space and be able to welcome it. Changing plans is also difficult for adults, for the same reason, because of that illusion and that experience that we were going to have and that is suddenly denied us.
6. 'Mom is not leaving' and she left
It is essential to say goodbye to our sons or daughters when we leave somewhere, they stay at school, with grandparents, with their father, etc. For them we are a person of reference that gives them security and tranquility. They relax and trust, knowing that they can play because Mom or Dad told them they are not going to leave.
If we do not say goodbye to them, then the pain they feel when they see that they have left is much greater, they feel pain, abandonment and betrayal. Therefore, let us always say goodbye to them before leaving. Can you imagine going to a place of travel with a friend and suddenly disappearing?
7. Dad I love you so much
And this phrase is the greatest example they can give us. All the love and care we offer them, they return it to us, grateful and tender. As adults we must look at them and attend to them with great respect and care, listening to their needs and rhythms.
These seven examples are some anecdotes and day-to-day situations that we accompany very naturally and from which we can learn a lot. Dads, moms, you do great! It's ok how you do it, do not judge yourselves, much less compare yourselves.
I accompany you on this journey with a respectful look and conscious parenting so that we can get as close as possible to everything that our little ones need and that we need.
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