How would you feel if your partner tells you that he loves you a lot but does not want to share activities or time with you? Something similar is what our children must feel when we say: 'I'm sorry, darling, but now I don't want to play with you.' But what can we do and tell children when we don't feel like playing with them?
What will your child think with this answer? How do you feel after giving it? Culpability? Sense of a bad mother or a bad father? Or do you just feel good? All these questions and the feelings and emotions that are going to flourish at that moment, we are going to deal with them in this article so that the next time it happens to you, you have the right words and encouragement to give the most timely response.
Mom, do we play? Dad, do we play? ... We are sad to say no, because for them to play with us, their parents, it's not just playing; It is the way our children have to make us participate in their language, their communication and their world. But why do we consider not doing it?
There may be several reasons:
- We feel ridiculous playing.
- We feel like we are wasting time.
- We're tired.
- We get bored playing with them.
- We do not give ourselves permission to be distracted or have fun.
- Self-demand or perfection appears to us as a charge of conscience.
- Our whole body hurts after playing with him or her.
- The adult role does not allow us to connect with our inner child.
- We have other more urgent house duties to do.
- We do not know how to enjoy playing with our children for a while.
Sometimes the game that our children want us to play is just a little attention, maybe a little tickling, a little order in the game he is playing, helping him pick up the toys or simply having you watch him while he plays. Therefore, the first thing to do before answering is ask him what kind of game he wants us to play together.
After, we will assess whether or not we will play the game with them. And if the answer is no, we are going to detail some ways to tell you and not make us feel bad:
- Thanks son, you know that I like to play with you, but now I can't ... (give him an alternative) ... when I finish working. (And of course, do it).
- Thanks darling, that game looks like a lot of fun. What do you think if you start and in a while I join you?
- I think we could have a lot of fun but what do you think if we wait for mom or dad to play together?
- I love watching you play, how about you play for a while and I watch you?
Any of these answers will give you a break to continue doing what you want while he conforms for a while without your presence and without the shared game, but you cannot abuse these responses or the relationship will be adversely affected. The game is a way of feeling that our love is a fact and not just words.
On the other hand, if there really is a bodily pain or a physical reason that really prevents you from playing as much as you would like with your children, calm down, mom or dad. There are other alternatives to spend time with the children:
- Watch a series together.
- Cook together.
- Teach him to do puzzles or other activity that he wants to learn (they love board games).
- Color together.
- Go to the movies.
- Read together.
- Let him decide from a list of alternatives that you have previously made.
Children need parents who are present, not perfect parents, and playing with them is only part of parenting. Don't torture yourself. Teach him that:
- Today for you tomorrow for me.
- Show them the way to autonomy so that they find alternatives to the answer of 'now I don't want to play with you'.
- Teach him that not everything is when you want and that the good, sometimes, is made to wait.
- Make him value the time. It would be good if he understands that you also need time for yourself and another to share.
In addition, here we propose some solutions so that you do not feel bad:
- Adapt the game to your tiredness, instead of playing soccer, propose to play a board game.
- Offer alternatives: I don't feel like playing this, but what if ...?
- Make peace between your role as an adult and as an inner child. Leave your ego out. Be empathetic.
- Negotiate with him or her another activity at home or abroad: walking in the countryside, reading a book, doing puzzles ...
- let yourself goLet him be your guide and let him take control of time and play.
- Remember, don't lie, don't ignore, thank for the request and if the answer is negative, look for an alternative. In this way, the relationship will continue in its good balance and love.
- Finally, learn to take care of yourself so as not to go stressed or stressed, anxious or anxious, tired or tired ...
Do not forget that our children learn to live as we show them how we live each day. We are your role model.
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