There is jealousy of couples, there is jealousy at work, there is jealousy between parents and there is between siblings, because whenever there is insecurity in oneself, there is jealousy. For parents, having their children jealous of each other is a difficult situation that creates stress, bewilderment and inevitably feelings of guilt: 'What am I doing wrong?' or 'At what point did I make a mistake?' We tell you what to do and what not to do to deal with jealousy between siblings!
Jealousy is a tangle of thorns that scratch our feelings, leaving marks that do not bleed at first glance but that, without being conscious, penetrate our interior and there they germinate, simmering, creating an invisible wound of uncertain consequences. Jealousy is perceived as fear and fear of losing affection, the affection or love of a loved one, leaving an obvious trace of distress and, as a consequence, tormenting our spirits.
There are tools that can help to avoid situations of jealousy between siblings, since jealousy that is poorly healed, poorly managed or misunderstood by those affected, in addition to leaving open wounds - sometimes incurable - can mark the personality of children, conditioning family relationships.
You have to start from jealousy between siblings is inherent to the human being and, therefore, they must be taken as something natural that cannot always be avoided. Underlying jealousy between siblings is envy, competition, confrontation and hostility, generating great stress and suffering in the person who suffers them and, consequently, creating a bad environment at home.
The reactions between siblings who are jealous can be multiple: rejection, destruction of belongings (toys, very dear objects), threats, insults, attempts to ridicule him; However, all these aversive behaviors are combined with true scenes of harmony, affection and good relationship between siblings.
Another common reaction is the calls for attention of the brother who is jealous of his parents, especially with the arrival of a new brother. At this time, the minor may develop behaviors that imply an involution in their development:
- Than go back to language stages that I had already overcome.
- Than old fears appear.
- Than pee on the bed again.
- Than I don't want to sleep alone and demand to do it in the parents' room, because there is your brother.
It would be interesting, in this sense, to be alert and, as far as possible, to ignore those behaviors that were already overcome and do not correspond to their evolutionary moment.
On the other hand, making him participate in the care of his brother in some daily tasks such as bath time, changing the diaper or eating, reinforcing him with praise and positive expressions can help to relax the situation.
As explained by the Spanish Association of Pediatrics, in its report 'Child jealousy', 'jealousy is only harmful if the parents dedicate themselves to repressing or correcting them or they despise the child for having that natural reaction and, sometimes, there is more problem in the mother for feelings of guilt when having another child and anticipating the grief of the present child than the one presented by the child himself.
Undoubtedly one of the most common mistakes between parents and relatives is looking for comparisons between siblings. The parents' determination that the qualities that shine in one sibling are automatically reflected in the other creates a breeding ground in which jealousy will soon germinate.
Understanding that each sibling is a different person with different concerns, interests, needs and times, and giving each one the space and the necessary attention is a task that, even though it is not easy for parents, can avoid competition between them. What else should we do and what should we avoid?
- Do not be afraid to praise a child for fear that the other will feel bad, I think that the good thing is important to say, the only thing avoiding comparisons.
- It is a priority teach our children to cope with their frustrations, especially in situations in which the other brother is decisive.
- Downplay your failed attempts, encouraging them to try again, helping them find mistakes, avoiding pressure, and praising progress can be fruitful.
- I consider it important that brothers and sisters know how to value and praise the good of the other. Knowing yourself loved by a brother and having his recognition is a natural way to bond.
- In the same way, teach them that they can help each other, in those practices in which they are less skilled, it can become a good way to strengthen relationships and value each other as siblings.
- It is also necessary encourage relaxed moments among the family through cooperative games, outings, trips and all those activities that provide moments of pleasure and strengthen ties.
Once again it is important to know how to handle emotions. As parents we try to find balance. We can help regulate your state of mind and guarantee that harmony. Helping them grow with an adequate emotional education, providing them with self-confidence, respecting the interests of others and teaching them to overcome and face their limits, will help them to have tools with which to face future situations, such as jealousy, of the type that are.
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