Be mothers and fathers

8 messages to free mothers from toxic happiness and guilt


'We all know what happiness is. Everyone has a model to explain it. ' We have been living under the umbrella of the 'wonderful' world for a few years; It is said of that world where we find messages such as: 'If you want, you can get it', 'Nothing is impossible!', 'Thought changes everything' or simply, 'You can!' ... How can we free ourselves from these messages that make mothers feel guilty for not being able to be happy 24 hours a day?

This wave of positive phrases begins to go into a tailspin, making us question whether happiness really depends on our attitude or we are entering a new era that we could call: toxic happiness. Not to mention guilt ...

Psychology, throughout its history, has been closely linked to changes and advances of society. Thus, for example, after the First World War behaviorism was born with great force. This is very successful, because it defends that all behavior or response is a function of environmental stimuli. That said, after what happened during the war, it was necessary to convince society that the horrors committed had not been their own decisions (thus releasing responsibility), but were due to the environment that prevailed at that time, which had induced them to carry them out.

Back in the 90s, after the boom of a society linked to the new canons of beauty, the first eating disorders appeared, such as bulimia or anorexia.

Another example is the year 1999, when it appears positive psychology created by Martin Selligman, who comes to tell us that after the business and motivational changes of the time, if you are not happyIt is not because of society, politics, the economy, society (which does not make it easy) or the company (which fires you); but it's because you don't know how to have the necessary attitude to get it, thus calling you a failure or a failure. And of course, as a result of this new idea, disorders such as anxiety, stress, bipolarity ...

It seems that of the 6 universally recognized basic emotions (joy, disgust, sadness, anger, rage and fear) we have been left with only the first, and we have rejected or forgotten the others.

As a consequence of all this, I make some reflections on happiness: what are we teaching our children? How do you feel, mom or dad, when you have a gray and sad day? ¿You feel guilty for not being happy and not transmit to your son that he can do everything? Do you feel bad about not using the happy emoticon permanently?

Does all this mean that happiness has a dark side? That you can be happy without effort? Is happiness a choice or an imposition? Can you be happy outside of social networks? Do we live under the threshold of irrational optimism? Does it really work?

We definitely defend the idea that 'It's not easy to be happy'. And so we want to start freeing you from possible negative feelings or guilt.

There is no permanent happiness. There is living each day as you get up and feel your emotional world. For this reason, mom or dad, even if you are not happy 24 hours a day, you deserve all our respect:

1. We want to send you this message of tranquility and solidarity.

2. We want you to know that we are not going to censor you for showing your low or sad moments.

3. We want to practice with you empathy with respect: I take care of your feelings, of what you are living, be it sad or happy.

4. Positive psychology has led us to create a society where the feeling of collectivity is nullified because we reject complainers or losers. And we also want to tell you that we are with you, you are in the complaint or in the happiness.

5. And we want to encourage you to show you as you are, at every moment of the day, because it will depend on your children learning to show themselves as they are.

6. We encourage you to build your own model of happiness, without comparisons with the others.

7. We encourage you to feel happiness in simple things, with simple values ​​that depend on your life.

8. And finally, we encourage you to practice critical thinking as a tool to define your own concepts such as positive psychology, 100% happiness, finding the trap of positive thinking or even toxic happiness.

Remember, that when you have all the answers the universe (life) comes and changes the questions. So that, what do you think the other side of positive thinking is for you?

We invite you to reflect on it and share it with your children, so that they learn that any emotion, feeling or state of mind that you are feeling is the consequence of people who know how to live, of people who are brave showing their emotions and of people who know how to be happy in their own way.

'If you grieve enough, every loss turns into a gain', Albert Espinosa.

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