Our son comes home heavy and fearful, takes the report card out of his backpack and shows it to us: he has failed one or more subjects. That is when in most cases reproaches, anger, shouting and even punishments occur. Parents we take the bad grades of the children as something personal and we tend to approach the situation just the opposite of how we should. But many times we do not ask ourselves what is behind these poor results or poor academic performance.
Before we start to make all the possible mistakes as a result of anger, we must analyze what the bad grades of the children are hiding.
Bad grades are not always the result of the child's mismanagement, to their irresponsibility or to their laziness when facing the studies. On many occasions there are other causes behind, because, ultimately, nobody likes to fail, nor does they want to get bad grades. Most of the time, the notes hide other problems:
- They are the result to a depressive state of the minor. If the child feels sad, he will have more difficulty concentrating on the study.
- They are going through delicate moments at home, either by family quarrels or the separation of parents.
- At school he is suffering harassment from other colleagues or does not feel integrated in the group.
- You are not being motivated correctly by teachers and even by parents. Lacks the necessary stimuli.
- You don't have one good study technique, you have not been properly taught to study.
- It can hide a learning disability or other disorders, such as ADHD.
To find out what is the cause of our child's poor grades, we must talk to him and try to find the reason together that has led the little one to have a low academic performance.
However, it will also be very helpful to get in touch with the child's teacher and talk about what is happening. It is quite possible that the solution to children's bad grades is a joint intervention from school and from home.
After a tutoring with the teacher, we can decide that it is convenient to go with the child to a pedagogical specialist or psychologist, in case the bad grades are continued. This will help us find the causes of school failure, if there is a learning problem, if we should reinforce our son or daughter in one direction or another ... And it will give us some keys to know how to act.
This figure of the counselor is present in many schools, but we can also take the child to some external consultation at the school.
Parents tend to give too much importance to children's grades (more than it really does, if we stop to think about it). Therefore, when we see failures or low grades in their report cards at the end of the assessment or when the course ends, we tend to get very angry. With the tantrum, it's easy to fall and make some of the mistakes which we discuss below.
- Insult him
Never use the words 'lazy', 'stupid' or 'irresponsible'; or phrases like 'I told you so' or 'I already knew ...'. They are labels that damage the child's self-esteem. It is preferable to tell them that they can do it and make them feel that we trust their abilities. Positive motivation always achieves more than disqualifications and insults.
- Take it personally
Children don't get bad grades to punish us or to rebel against us. Dramatizing excessively is counterproductive.
- Punish him
The child who has received bad grades has already had a sanction. It is more positive to build and work on what we can do to reverse the situation, whether it be receiving extracurricular support, giving them the necessary tools to learn to learn or fostering dialogue, effort and work.
- Not giving support
Bad school grades tell us about a problem the child is going through. Whether you are going through a difficult personal situation or due to a learning disability, we must be by your side, let you know that everything will be solved and we will always be there to help you. Above all, we must prevent the child from feeling rejected or a failure.
We have already learned some of the mistakes we should not make when children arrive with poor grades. But then how should we react when they are suspended?
- Breathe and stay calm
Sometimes anger is difficult to control. Therefore, before saying or doing something that we can later regret, it is better to withdraw for a moment and breathe (or drink water) to regain calm. When we are calmer, we can better deal with the situation.
- Find the cause and provide solutions
As we have already mentioned, talking with the child and his teacher will help to find solutions for the following evaluations.
- Support the child and give him love to reinforce his self-esteem
As indicated in the study 'Didactic Proposal for the improvement of self-esteem in Primary Education' (by Alicia María Miranda for the University of Valladolid), through the qualifications the educational model evaluates the cognitive and aptitude capacities of children. For this reason, it is normal for children to take these notes as an evaluation of their own person, which would directly affect their self-esteem. It is not surprising, therefore, that poor school results translate into low self-esteem.
- Motivate children
Motivation is essential in learning. The more motivated children are, the more desire and enthusiasm to learn they will have. Therefore, we must find creative ways to convey motivation for studies. We can say encouraging phrases to them, we can use educational resources that allow them to learn through play, we can form work groups with their friends ...
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