Life is not always pink, although we parents would like it to be so for our sons and daughters. Some children have to deal with difficult situations that are often even very difficult for the adults themselves to understand. Illnesses, financial problems, family conflicts ... But even when all this happens, there is always something happy that we can learn. As we can teaching children to see the positive even in difficult situations?
How can we expect our children to be able to see the good in difficult situations if, many times, even we adults are not able to see it? Faced with this question, doctor in psychology Silvia Álava Sordo He tells us about a very simple but very useful strategy for both children and adults. We have called it the journal technique.
To carry it out, we have to get hold of a notebook and a pen or pencil. In case of not having them, we can also use folios that we can group with staples, clips or keep them in a case or folder. With them we will be able to make our own diary.
Do you already have the materials ready? We started! Every night, you must find a moment at the end of the day to meet all together, as a family, to write in the notebook at least one good thing that happened to you throughout that journey. You can take advantage of the moment right after dinner, the time of the good night kiss or before reading the story. The important thing is that we find a beautiful family moment that we will remember fondly.
You can do this exercise sharing the moment (writing a good family time that you have shared in the day) or you can do it individually (each member of the family writes their positive thought). In the same way, if it is impossible for you to find a time each night, you can do it once a week.
Even when situations at home are not as good as we would like, good things can still come out. You just have to stop and reflect on these. We can learn a lot from it! When we do not talk about these, we run the risk of forgetting them and, therefore, that we only focus on the bad things, in the dark and pessimistic.
Thanks to this technique, in addition to focusing on the pleasant, we will leave it written. Therefore, in a few months we will be able to return to it and take a look at it to give ourselves a new joy.
The things we write down in our notebooks do not have to be great achievements or great goals. If we look closely, our day to day gives us many simple things that are very beautiful, if we also appreciate the small. We can often draw beautiful lessons from them. Some of the things that you could write down in your notebook are:
- I loved the breakfast my mom made for me today. It was great!
- The moment in which we have played together has been great. I have found that my son is very interested in dinosaurs.
- I really liked that Dad helped me with my homework. He has taught me a great trick to learn multiplication tables.
- Today I was very excited that my brother gave me one of his drawings. I'm very grateful!
After a few days of practicing the journaling technique, you may find that there are some good times that repeat everyday. This is fabulous! Because one thing is always repeated does not make it stop being wonderful. Quite the opposite!
Rescuing and leaving these sentences in writing We make children (and ourselves) realize that, although the situations we live in are complicated, there are also positive and beautiful things that happen to us. This will fill you with optimism.
In addition to the journal technique, parents can do many other things to promote optimism in our children. Let's look at some tips that will help us create a positive and calm atmosphere at home so that both our children and ourselves are happier.
1. We motivate and love each other
Filling our home with sticky notes or taped pages with motivational phrases can be a very fun and motivating exercise. For example, in the kitchen we can write: We are a family who love and respect each other! In the living room, we could hang a sign that says: In this house we like smiles and hugs. But we can also add phrases that are directed to specific members of the family: We love that Luis is so creative.
2. We respect emotions (all) of the family
Sometimes we will feel angry, other times happy or sad ... But at home we must respect all emotions. Parents must help our sons and daughters to understand them and know how to manage them. In this way, the family relationships that we will build in our home will be much healthier and happier.
3. Empathy guides us at home
When we base our upbringing on empathy and try to understand our children's attitudes and behaviors, we are able to treat them with respect and love. But we must also teach our children to have empathy for the people around them.
4. We take care of ourselves in order to take care
It may seem very obvious, but precisely because it is such a basic thing we sometimes forget. If we want to be mentally healthy parents, and thus be able to offer our children an atmosphere of happiness, we must dedicate some self-care.
5. At home we use dialogue
Limits and rules are very necessary for the development of children and we have to establish them clearly and firmly. However, we can also appeal to family dialogue to reach a consensus. In this way, we will all be more open to respecting them in a more positive way. In addition, we will be able to anticipate the possible problems that could arise when breaking them.
6. We learn relaxation techniques
Sometimes, we can feel that the situation is overwhelming us and this leads us to lose our optimism and positivity. It is normal. In these moments it is very useful to know some relaxation techniques or conscious breathing that help us to regain calm. Of course, they are tools that we can teach our children to use when they feel like they are losing control.
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