Many parents have a hard time saying No to their children, but it is something necessary for a good family life together. Setting limits from values and not from the fact itself avoids overwhelming the child with constant reprimands, but also setting limits for children encourages their safety and improves their self-esteem. Discipline improves parent-child relationships.
In life there are things that seem simple to us and others that we may not question. Despite this, we launched into the adventure of being parents, something so magical and at the same time so complicated that we only realize it when problems emerge.
However, when we do our part and get involved with the heart, these inconveniences that at first seemed difficult to solve become enriching experiences that strengthen our work as parents and more, in these times in which knowing how to share and communicating is so important.
Let's start by embarking on a path in which the child is heard, loved and understood, but also Let's set limits against bad behavior. Doing so can help your mental development and is important to avoid stressful situations that we may regret.
It can be strange and we may think that setting limits makes the child feel stressed and make the mistake of not letting it be. From my point of view, what is really important is where and how we mark it. If we do it by instilling values, with security and forcefulness we will not have to constantly mark them. The child is wise and will know how to apply these learnings in other moments and circumstances.
He must know clearly where the limit is, in this way he will feel sure of how to act, of the management of his emotions and he will know how far he can go. Every road is easier when we know where we are going!
Let us observe what attitudes accompany us in our day to day life and make decisions to change what can be improved in everything that has to do with the education and upbringing of our children.
1. Let's observe our behavior
It is not about questioning everything we do, it is about observing those behaviors that generate discomfort and that lead to arguments or unnecessary punishment. The objective is to look with a wide perspective what we do without realizing it and that in some way is the trigger for unwanted behaviors on the part of our children.
Put yourself before this situation: Your child does not want to drink the milk and after being angry he throws it away on purpose and they end up getting some important documents that you had on the table wet. Would you scold him? And, would you do the same if he stains any other paper, for example, a letter that his grandmother has made him? If you answer differently to these questions, I invite you to continue reading.
2. In all bad behavior there is a value to be taught
Teaching the value of even the little things is even more important than inquiring about our attitude, because that is where we reinforce the true integrity and reasoning of their being. Make him understand that the important thing is not the role or what he broke, but the attitude towards the situation and, of course, what it means for the affected person.
We don't need to get bitter with anger that will get us nowhere, we just need to speak to them from our hearts and tell them how that behavior has made us feel. For example, tell him that you feel that the effort of the grandmother when making the letter was not worth it, tell him about the illusion that she had when delivering it.
It encourages the integration of valuing what is not paid for with money, but which has more value than a last generation toy. Bet on empathy. Ask what it would feel like if he were the one affected.
3. Let's define the limit
The limits from the values and not from the fact itself avoids overwhelming the child with constant reprimands. Let us instill responsibility and explain what will happen if he behaves that way again.
In this case, I propose that, depending on their age, they should impose the 'reprimand'. And, for it to be effective, let us emphasize that it must be exemplary and consistent; If she doesn't, let's invite her, for example, to apologize to her grandmother and spend her time making a letter for her or some craft.
4. Let's be consistent
Carrying out the reprimand is the most tedious part of the process, but it is one of the most important, otherwise all the work done previously will have been for nothing. This must be exposed with force and security, and it is precisely in this part where learning is implanted. Most of us human beings learn and remember something more easily if it impacts in some way with a fact.
In those moments where the spirit or spirits can be on the surface, it is almost more important to be silent than to speak. This is possible when the child has an established learning and knows where to go. And, as the psychologist and associate professor of the department of evolutionary psychology of the Autonomous University of Madrid, Lola Pérez Bravo, says in her report How to set norms and limits to children at home and techniques to improve their behavior, 'which serves to one child is not of value to another. Each child is unique and unrepeatable. '
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