We all know how to identify a physical wound, and we know that it takes time for it to heal and heal. But we also know that in order to heal wounds, a series of hygienic and antiseptic measures must be applied, because if we do not we run the risk of them becoming infected and scarring badly. Something similar happens with emotional wounds, not only with time we can cure them. On this occasion, we are going to focus on those scars left on children by the fact having an absent mother or father.
We can say that emotional wounds are produced by those situations, experiences, unpleasant or painful experiences that happen to us in our lives and that are not adequately resolved. These wounds or these traumas they can occur from childhood and can condition or affect the psycho-emotional development of the child.
Experiences and experiences in childhood are increasingly taken into account in the development of self-esteem, personality and the emotional plane. So it is very important work with children to solve and intervene in these situations.
Situations such as the death of a parent, experiences of bullying, rejection or absence of any of the parents or close people, etc. If they are not resolved adequately or if they are not paid attention, they can give rise to injuries that can lead, in the short or long term, to fears and insecurities in children, but also in adolescents and adults who will be in the future.
The fear of rejection, abandonment, failure, the new or the unknown, may be some of the consequences of the previous situations, as a result of the lack of self-confidence, lack of confidence and low self-esteem to the that give rise.
That is, those experiences interfere or can interfere with proper emotional development, in the personality, in the construction of self-esteem and, as a consequence, these fears appear.
When we speak of absent mothers or fathers, we refer here to the physical absence of the parent, but especially to those situations in which, despite the fact that the parent is present, they do not exercise their role as father or mother. It is clear that the absence of the father or mother due to a traumatic event, it also leaves an emotional wound, but this time we are not focusing on the wounds left by the loss of the parent.
These situations we refer to have repercussions on the emotional and personal affective development of the child, that affect their present life and will also have their repercussions in later stages, that is, they leave an emotional wound, a mark, which will condition various aspects of the person's life. They are wounds like:
- Feelings of abandonment.
- Feelings and fear of rejection.
- Fear of being alone.
- Lack of confidence in oneself and in others.
- Feelings of humiliation.
The role of parents is important in the development of personality, self-esteem, self-concept, self-confidence of the little ones. The family is the place where the child will acquire his first guidelines and models of behavior, emotional models, etc. and the first stage that will go shaping their identity and personality.
The idea that the child is building himself is based on aspects such as attachment, the trust that parents have in him, the security they provide, etc. Therefore, when one of the parents is what we call an absent mother or father, the child can attribute this absence to himselfIn other words, the reason that the father or mother ignores him, does not value him or is excessively demanding, is due to internal causes (I am not worth enough, I do not deserve to be loved ...).
The relationship between parents and children has, therefore, a strong impact on the current and future development of children and the absence of this, or if this is a negative relationship, can be experienced in a painful way and give rise to those traumas or emotional wounds that need to be addressed.
These wounds are going to be seen in the behavior of children, in their emotional development, but it may not be until future stages when they will be able to work on them, since children are usually not aware of them at the time that are being produced. In other words, the child does not think: 'I am fearful because my father or mother are not present or do not trust me'. It will be later when I can start working on those fears and insecurities and maybe analyze what's behind all of them.
But it will be important that, if as parents we detect that there is something wrong with our child and we think that this family situation is the one that is causing these problems, we go to the appropriate professionals. We should not think that in time it will pass, or that children put up with everything.
As with physical wounds, the earlier we start to heal the wound, the better it will heal.
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