First of all, it is important to define what frustration is. Frustration is a feeling that arises when we cannot achieve our wishes. In these types of situations, the child usually reacts on an emotional level with expressions of anger, anxiety or dysphoria, mainly, although they also have physical reactions (we will see everything in detail later). Are the children with low tolerance for frustration and, in their case, the origin of the problem is not found in the external situations themselves, but in the way in which the child deals with them, and here the parents have a lot of work to do.
It is essential to teach our children to tolerate frustration from a young age, to face those situations in which they do not get what they want, even if that means that from time to time we see our child 'suffer'. But that suffering is temporary and very little compared to what you may feel when you face the 'NO' "or problems in life alone and have no one to 'relieve you'.
During childhood, children think that the world revolves around them, that the world exists because they exist, they are egocentric, (it is evolutionary), they do not know how to wait, (they have not yet developed the concept of time), and it is hard for them to think about others and their needs.
When children are young, they want everything and they want it now. If we don't give it to them, they cry, get angry, have tantrums, that is, they get frustrated by not getting their wishes.
In general, children who cannot cope positively with frustration have such an approximate profile and characteristics:
- They are demanding and demanding children.
- They seek to satisfy their needs immediately, so when faced with waiting or postponing their needs, they usually present tantrums and easy crying.
- It is difficult for them to manage emotions.
- More impulsive and impatient.
- They can develop anxiety problems more easily than other children.
- They are not very flexible and find it difficult to adapt to new situations or situations that are not as expected.
When the child does not manage or know how to handle frustration, it accumulates and other feelings appear such as anger, rage or rage. Feel the urge to attack, cross the obstacle and even escape. Each child and each person reacts differently to this situation, but we could establish four:
- Physical or psychological aggression. Unfortunately, here we should talk about children who harm themselves or who express their aggressiveness with their parents.
- Resignation or apathy. Negative thoughts crowd the head with child. The little one constantly repeats phrases like 'I can't do anything' or 'I've lost'.
- Escape. This is a more typical reaction of adolescents who, since they cannot bear the situation, withdraw from it.
- Conversion. The tension that the child carries within can lead to physical pain or fatigue and tiredness.
It must be clear that none of these reactions will solve the problem, they can even aggravate it. Let us recognize the emotions and learn to channel them so that their consequences are the best possible.
You learn to handle and tolerate frustration from a young age, and it depends largely on what parents do.
When a child has a low tolerance for frustration, it will be due in part to the learning he has had and in part to his character. That is why it is essential to be clear as parents that frustration is a 'necessary evil' and that children have to know how to manage it.
If the child always or almost always gets what he wants when he asks for it, or after a tantrum he gets what he wanted or gets rid of what he did not want, or if we avoid any type of suffering, (because we are sorry to see him have a bad time, because we do not want him to suffer, or because he does not listen to him anymore ...) we do not teach him to manage his emotions and much less his behaviors.
For this it is essential to teach children to tolerate frustration from an early age And for this, parents must be clear about a series of guidelines:
- The rules and limits are fundamental and must be complied with calmly but firmly.
- The NO, even if it frustrates the little ones, is necessary.
- Learn to manage tantrums when they occur, and not give in to them.
- Be very clear that frustration is inevitable in life, and that if children do not learn to handle and accept it, in their adult life it will cost them much more.
If we find that our child is a child with Low tolerance to frustrationAs parents we can redirect this situation, we can re-educate the child so that little by little he learns to handle it.
- First we must analyze what has led to this situation, (Unclear rules and limits? Character?) And begin to change what is necessary.
- Help the child to differentiate between your wants and needs, helping you understand that you can't always have what you want when you want it.
- Teach him to tolerate delaying reinforcement or getting what he wants. If he asks me for something, do not give it to him immediately, but when I can or I as an adult consider appropriate and explain when he will have it, or why he will not have it.
- When the child gets frustrated, help you understand what's wrong. Where does your sadness or anger come from, and what happens to you in words.
- Establish and set clear rules, limits and routines and according to the age of the children.
In the event that the situation overwhelms us, going to a professional to guide and guide us is always the best option that parents can consider. It will help us to analyze the situation and it will also help us in the process.
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