Self esteem

Parents' phrases and words that damage children's self-esteem


All parents want the best for our children. We want them to be happy, to achieve their dreams, to be people of integrity and values. To achieve all this, children have to work and take care of their self-esteem and, sometimes, inadvertently parents can hurt them. These are some of the phrases and words of parents that damage the self-esteem of children.

The normal thing is that children are happy, that they are happy, that they want to play ... The moment we see that a child is not happy or cheerful most of the time it can be a sign of many things, but one of them may be It may be a lack of self-esteem.

That child - the cause would have to be found - may not feel valued by others and, what is worse, by himself. May your reality be distorted. Parents have to be very attentive and observe their behavior and conduct to put into practice some tools to turn this situation around. For example, it is important that children take care of the words that come out of their mouth, that they change negative words for more positive ones. Of course they can complain, but that is not a constant.

On the other hand, adults must also analyze what we say to them and how we say it to them. And is that what fathers and mothers say to our children greatly influences the way they see themselves. For example, if we repeat to our son several times 'you are a bore', in the end that child, however positive he may be, will think 'if my parents see me as a bore, it will be because I am a bore'.

Sometimes there are words that seem 'not very serious' or 'have been said all your life'. We believe that nothing happens, but we realize that if we repeat them they dangerously get into the heads and hearts of our children. Children are very literal, they do not have the filter that an adult may have or the perspective to understand that these set phrases are, perhaps, 'a joke' or 'some harmless words'.

The 'biggest shot' of positivity or self-esteem that we can give our children is precisely that they see that we love them; that we show them that unconditional love, which we also feel from the moment they are born, is real.

There will be times when we think that we are doing well because we love them and wish the best for them, but perhaps the problem is that they don't feel that way. There are times that parents must stop, disconnect from the stress and daily hustle and bustle and give them one, two or three hugs, dedicate some nice words or give them any manifestation of love.

If you give five hugs in one day now, go up to eight! Everything that is to raise the dose of love, of hugs, of a phrase like, for example, 'how much I love you!' or 'you have to be very proud of yourself', it is allowed and all this is comforting.

Also, spend quality time with them. But not only quality, but spending time at dinner, at story time ... Each parent, within their day to day and routine, should look for those moments and everything that is some gesture outside of that routine They don't expect it, it's fantastic.

Finally, we cannot fail to mention how important it is for the child and for his self-esteem to feel heard. Are you one of the parents who complains that their child does not tell you anything? It may be true, but it would also be possible to see if when we try to talk to them we are with the mobile in hand, is that correct?

Hearing is not the same as listeningThat's why when we notice that our children are talkative, we must take advantage of that moment to be fully with them and without any distraction. It will be an incredible opportunity to connect with them and find out first-hand what worries them, bothers them, makes them angry or / and makes them happy.

Children must be told that they have 'their diamond' in their hearts, which is their personal worth, self-esteem ... They have to know that they are responsible for their self-esteem and that when someone tries to 'dirty' that diamond, it is In other words, when a person says ugly things to them, they have the power not to hear those words. They must do everything they can to make their most precious jewel shine!

This explanation may be difficult for the little ones to understand, that is why we recover Anna Morató's story 'The most precious treasure', from her book 'When I grow up I want to be happy 2', as a tool to work with children on self-esteem and self-confidence.

Javier's parents are explorers and one day they decide to go to their son's class to give a talk so that all of their child's classmates understand what they really do at work. This dad and this mom are dedicated to traveling the world looking for treasures.

- We have traveled all over the world and we have been to many interesting places: inside the pyramids of Egypt, near a volcano about to erupt, in the Amazon jungle ... - explained the father.

- But do you know what is the most incredible and brightest treasure we have ever seen? It is a diamond that is inside each one of you - said the mother.

The children were impressed and did not understand very well what was being said, so Javier's mother said:

- It does not matter if you are tall, short or big, the important thing is that all of us have within a perfect and precious diamond to which we must take care of the bad critters.

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