We have all done it at some time ... Your children do not stop asking you something, no matter what. You've had a tiring day and you have a thousand and one things to do, but they keep insisting. They insist so much that in the end you choose to promise the first thing that comes to your mind, without really thinking about what you are doing. If you finally fulfill what you promised, no problem, although it is always good to know how to say NO to our children in a positive way. But, What happens when parents don't keep promises to their children? More than we think!
When we talk to our children, there doesn't always have to be a promise involved. But if there is, we can have a serious problem, which is generated when the promise is not fulfilled, either because it is not possible (for example, promising something that involves money or time that you do not have) or because you forget, since You said that promise to say and you didn't even pay attention to it.
For you it is something so trivial, that the fact of not fulfilling it does not seem too important, but do you think it is also unimportant for your little ones? If you still have doubts about whether or not they are affected by your keeping your promises, put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Do you like that your partner does not keep his promises? No promise is banal for a child, since everything that comes from his parents is his main reference. Constantly failing to keep promises to your children has consequences, many of them more serious than we imagine.
- They feel disappointed
The disappointment of a child when he sees that his father or mother does not fulfill the promise they have made can be of gigantic dimensions. Sometimes they may not express it, but deep down they will feel that their parents, their main security base, have let them down.
- They learn to conform
When mom or dad constantly promises and never delivers, children eventually learn to settle for having liars and uncomplimentary parents. This will not only affect your relationship with them, but the way you perceive your relationships with others. They will more easily accept people into their lives who do not value them enough to not keep their promises to them.
- They lose trust in you
If you do not comply with what was promised, in the end your little one will end up completely losing confidence in you. Do not expect them to express their feelings and needs with complete freedom afterwards, because you are the first person to show them that you are not to be trusted.
- They follow your example
Have you ever heard that children learn by imitation? Indeed, if they see that their parents do not keep their promises on a regular basis, they will end up doing the same in their social relationships, since they will end up normalizing this attitude.
- They lose respect for you
One of the most important ingredients of respect is integrity. If you break a promise, you do not show integrity, so your children will associate this with that you do not deserve to be respected.
- We make them feel like they are not important
It is important to understand that a promise is a manifestation of commitment. If you break your commitments to your children, you are sending them a clear message: 'You are not important enough to me. Even if you don't do it with that intention, this is how emotionally they will feel.
- They see you as a liar
Have you ever stopped to think what image you want your children to have of you? Probably the adjective liar is not among your wishes ... Well, if you tend to vaguely promise your children without fulfilling anything you say, in the end it is the image they will have of you.
We don't always consciously break promisesSometimes we promise to get out of trouble at a certain point, but we can actually do a lot of emotional damage to our children if this attitude is constant.
Do not forget that the learning he has from you is crucial for his emotional stability. For this reason, it is important to stop and think before speaking, to find other strategies to solve tense situations between parents and children and, of course, to promise only what you are really willing to deliver.
And if for some reason beyond your control you cannot keep what you promised, don't forget to talk to your children and find an alternative that makes them feel like they have a person of integrity who cares about them and their well-being by their side.
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