Psychological changes

Tips to guide our children in the crisis of adolescence


Between 14 and 16 years our children enter fully into adolescence. This is a vital period in which everything seems to get out of balance again just when they have not yet recovered from the puberty crisis that they just went through. And, often, these two phases overlap, as we explain below. This time, we talk about the adolescent crisis, to understand a little better why it occurs and what we parents can do to help our children.

This crisis of adolescence is a crucial moment for our children, although it is still like all other crises: one more phase of their development whose objective is, in this case, that leave childhood behind and become adults. This natural and unstoppable cause great concern among parents who see their little ones growing up, moving away and moving away in search of an independence that is not always well understood by both parties. What often causes arguments and confrontations.

But adolescence is more than a time full of conflicts between parents and children. It is a time of great growth in which the main protagonists need to understand themselves and find the place to fit. Listening, recognizing and guiding is once again the main parental function in this section through which our children travel on the way to adulthood.

If in the puberty crisis it was the hormones that came into action and caused physical and emotional changes more or less abrupt, intense and visible, preparing the body and mind to leave behind the child that once was. Now is the sum of these latest changes, plus the need to adapt and recognize yourself in your new body and way of understanding the world, plus the iurgent need to build your own personal identity, sexual and social that prepares you for the search for a partner and obtain work success.

Faced with all these changes, adolescents are in constant conflict due to the new responsibilities demanded of them, the demands for independence they receive from their environment and their still dependence on the family. This conflict is, mainly, the one that causes so many arguments and clashes between parents and children.

Adolescence is essentially a time of change, transition, ups and downs, and, as I have mentioned on other occasions, it is an emotional roller coaster, where teens can jump from joy to sadness in the blink of an eye. The bewilderment is absolute not only for them, but also for everyone around them, mainly for parents and younger siblings.

  • At this stage, new fears appear, such as the fear of making a fool of yourself or not liking others.
  • Your body image takes on enormous importance and any small imperfection can be the cause of a great complex that, as parents we must be alert to help them overcome it.
  • His self-concept and self-esteem are at a very vulnerable moment, since the opinions of his colleagues and friends affect him in a very intense way.
  • Friendships and membership in a group they take on an almost vital importance. They are his point of reference, with whom he compares himself and tries to imitate in behavior, way of dressing and way of speaking.
  • They need time alone to think and get to know themselves, listen to music and reflect on all the issues that disturb them.
  • Some risk behaviors may appear, like the consumption of alcohol and tobacco product of their desire to experiment.

Throughout all these years; Since our son is born, goes through (among others) the crisis of the 7 years, until he reaches adolescence, our mission as parents is that little by little he acquires greater responsibilities, feels sure of himself and reaches become an adult capable of taking care of themselves without difficulty. An immense task that we will have to have started in childhood. That is why it is so important to listen, understand and know how children are, think and behave in each of the different stages they go through throughout their development.

During adolescence our children need their space but also parents who continue to guide them and accompanying, although sometimes they rebel against everything.

These tips can help families with teenagers live through this time with less conflict.

1. Let's not neglect the rules and limits
At this stage it is especially important that we reach agreements and consensus. The impositions are not well understood and tend to cause a lot of discomfort in both parties. So let him participate in the decisions about what he can or cannot do inside and outside the home and what the consequences will be for his non-compliance.

2. No long penalties
This type of punishment ends up being totally unsuccessful, it does not teach alternative behaviors and generates pasotism.

3. Forget the sermons

4. Listen to your children
Adolescents need to be heard and understood. Even if you don't share her ideas, let her know that you understand how she feels.

5. Bet on communication and respect their privacy
He talks, looks for moments of complicity, tries to know what his musical tastes are, what his idols of the moment are, the series that interest him ... but without questioning. Dialogue must flow, not impose itself. Do not rush through his things or spy on him. Respect their privacy, your child is getting older and needs their spaces to get to know each other better on a personal, social and sexual level.

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