I was walking in the gynecologist's room and accidentally overheard a conversation between a daughter and her mother. It went something like this: 'Mom, I don't want to have children. My husband and I have decided that we like the life we have and we don't want to change it for anything or anyone. We want to continue traveling, continue developing our professional career, enjoy whims ... without worrying about or taking care of anyone else. We believe that Happiness as a couple does not have to be synonymous with having children'.
This conversation is currently more common between friends, family or women, however, we continue to have a culture created around the cake of happiness (that's what I call it) where each portion complies with what is 'stipulated' that you have to comply.
What is the cake of happiness? I explain: each slice of this cake refers to the moment in your life that you have to live, and as you eat that piece of cake, you get older. The first piece could correspond to going to school; the second, go to university; The third would be to find a partner, but also to get a job, get married (long live the boyfriends!), buy a 'super' house, have children (beautiful and very smart children, of course), stay in shape, have a great husband and a family wonderful, etc. Each one makes their own cake, like when you go to the pastry shop to choose the flavors of your own.
Well, if you comply with all this, you will be admitted by society in what it has determined as the cake of happiness. But if you skip a piece or change the order or choke on any of them ... you may no longer be so well received either in the family or in your closest social circle.
And it is that, to recognize this of 'you do not want to be a mother', today still a contentious issue. (Fortunately, less and less ...).
I want to send a spear in favor of these women, who they decide not to be mothers and they want to continue being part of society without prejudice. Regardless of what they say, they need to repeat themselves as often as they can:
- I'm not selfish.
- I am not less of a woman because I have made this decision.
- I am not immature, I simply do not want responsibilities and I am consistent with my way of living and being.
- I don't believe in maternal instinct.
- No, I am not incomplete for not having children.
- My ovaries are working perfectly ...
- No, I don't hate children, I actually like them, but I feel like it is a great responsibility to take care of a human being and now I'm not ready for it.
- I know true love (the one that I give myself and mine).
- No, I'm not going to live fewer years and I'm still not going to think about who will take care of me when I grow up.
- I also don't think I'm weird.
- I don't have to explain myself to anyone other than myself.
In addition to what it means for a woman to be a mother or not, I think it is also important to take a look at what it means for a couple to bring a baby into the world. And it is that, sometimes, we have children by the fact of eating the next portion of our cake of happiness. We think that this way we will take the next step in our relationship and, therefore, that we will have a fuller and more complete life as a couple.
However, happiness as a couple does not mean having children, not even marriage would save the arrival of a baby… If you are a mother, I would question you… Were you a mother at heart because you felt that way and wished it or to fulfill the corresponding piece of cake?
Women who do not want to be a mother are also a defensible and desirable model of woman. They simply have not found their compelling reasons for bringing a life into the world. I wish each mother in this world had her valid reasons for having brought that child into the world ... And I hope you are one of them.
What would also be good to start asking ourselves is, why is there so little talk about mothers who regret being it? Is it not included in the cake of happiness either?
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