All parents raise our children the best we can and we usually do our best to do it, but that does not mean that we are not wrong (in fact we do it thousands of times). Therefore, it does not hurt from time to time to review the way we raise our children.These are the 11 mistakes parents make when we forbid things to children.
If you are one of those who has the 'bad habit' of banning and censoring things from their children, perhaps we should stop a bit and think about what the short and long-term consequences of your behavior on your little one may be. And it is that many of the prohibitions to which we subject them we execute unconsciously.
Then there is the one that we carry out because we think it is the best for them. But since children do not come with a practical guide under their arms, we want to stop at these prohibitions that we impose on them to study in depth what impact it has for them.
- Follow your dreams
It is true that at each stage of his life your child will change goals and dreams to fulfill, but that does not mean that you should restrict his aspirations, however extravagant or unusual they may be. Helping your little ones to hope to achieve what they dream of or to find a way to reach their goals will allow them to have confidence in themselves in the future to achieve everything they set out to do.
- Have an imaginary friend
Your child has no problem having an invisible friend. In fact, it is quite common for children to 'find' a friend to talk to, show their frustrations or their hopes and dreams from 2 or 3 years of age.
It is true that there are some cases in which an invisible friend can be a problem, such as when a child becomes withdrawn or aggressive with this situation, but in most of the times imaginary friends are just one more stage of the child. This 'new comp' helps you manage your emotions, your creativity and even increase your self-confidence. Therefore, the best thing you can do as a mom or dad is not to hold back the time your child plays with "his friend."
- Play as a child
For a moment remember the best moments of your childhood, surely many have to do with games in which you stained yourself in mud, jumped in puddles of water or explored the world in search of treasure, do you remember?
Sure so, so why deprive your child of his best experiences? Let your little one play like a child, a stain is removed with soap, a tear is stitched up and a small wound heals. Of course, go with him and make sure he does it in a safe environment. You can even play with your little one as in your childhood, you will have a great time!
- Ask for help
We tend to think that if we get our children to do their homework on their own or manage to tie their shoes on their own, we are leading them on the 'good' path to independence. However, humans are sociable beings who enjoy teamwork. If our children do not learn to ask for help freely without being judged, then they will not do it very often or will not know how to do it in their adolescence or in their adulthood. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, remember that.
How do we want our children to have knowledge if we forbid them to ask? Sometimes children can be insistent with their questions, but they do not do it to annoy us, but because they need to understand the world and moms and dads are their most important reference in life.
Surely your son or daughter thinks you know everything, but obviously you don't. Instead of telling your child to 'stop asking' because you no longer know the answer or are tired of answering, look up the answer together in a book, a dictionary, or the internet. If you do not have time at that time, you can offer that you will do that activity when you get home. Your child will be infinitely happier if he learns with you!
- 'Guadalupe, do you think hitting your cousin has been okay?'
- Don't be a reply!
Does this dialogue sound familiar to you? If so, think about whether it makes a lot of sense for you to ask your child a question and then reprimand him for doing so when answering. Younger children are very sincere, so much so that adults can drive us crazy.
In the example above, we see how incoherent we can be sometimes as parents. Lupita simply answers with "Yes" because deep down she feels that her cousin really deserves it (perhaps her cousin has taken a toy from her before). If we ask her a question and she answers the question, how does she feel about it, what right do we have to repress her?
Perhaps it is much more educational for her to ask the right question, such as 'why do you think she deserves it?' Once she explains herself, we could make her understand that violence does not get things done, that she can defend herself Otherwise, he can explain to his cousin that he must ask for the toys before taking them ... Remember that if when they are honest with us we repress them, then they will learn that it is best to lie so that we do not get angry.
Joy, crying, love, sadness, fear ... All these emotions and feelings are born with us and, as parents, we have the obligation to teach children to manage them and NEVER to prohibit them. Doing so could be fatal for them!
If you prohibit your son or daughter from crying, you will only be helping them learn to repress their emotions, which sooner or later could affect them emotionally. Phrases like 'Stop crying' or 'Crying is from ....' can be replaced by simple questions such as 'What's wrong with you?' In this way, you help your little one learn to express his feelings and, thus, to develop your emotional intelligence.
- Express oneself
Not only should children not be prohibited from expressing themselves in the home environment, but in any environment. We have all suffered those uncomfortable situations in front of acquaintances or relatives because our little one has said something inconvenient, which follows a categorical prohibition to speak in front of the elderly.
If you take away their right to express themselves from their early childhood, they will learn that in the future their relationships should be like that, with people who restrict their freedom of expression. Better, little by little, teach him values such as respect and consideration for others, and without realizing it, he will understand that some phrases can hurt others. And always, always! Accept and respect their opinions like anyone else's.
- Do not share
Many parents want our children to learn the value of sharing, but if we force them to share everything they have, we will achieve the opposite effect. Children also have the right to say no and decide that their toy is not shared.
When you are in a situation somewhat compromised with this matter, for example, that you do not want to share a toy with a child, look for an alternative solution. Maybe share another toy or suggest another game that makes them easily forget the awkward situation. In addition, it is important that you be the example to follow for your children, that is, if you do not usually share your things, do not expect your children to do so.
Also, do not forbid your child to share. It doesn't make much sense if you ask him to share his toys in the park with an unfamiliar child, and then get mad because he has shared his lunch at school with his friends, or even if he lends a friend money for a pencil. Trust us, your child will not understand that inconsistency in your views on the meaning of sharing.
- Be afraid
Although sometimes we do not see it that way, being afraid does not mean that we are not brave. In fact, a characteristic of courage is the ability to overcome a fear that we have previously felt. Therefore, wanting to help our children learn to be brave in the face of conflicts that arise in their lives does not have to be accompanied by a prohibition against being afraid.
When a child is told expressions such as "don't be afraid!" Or "fear is for cowards," the only thing that is achieved is that they repress their instincts for no reason. Helping you understand the nature of your fear and helping you overcome it, respecting whether you feel ready for it, will be much more beneficial to your emotional intelligence.
You can read more articles similar to 11 mistakes parents make when we ban things to children, in the category of Being mothers and fathers on site.