Day-to-day stress, early morning tiredness, our own self-demand ... And suddenly, your son starts crying inconsolably, he ignores you in one of the things you have asked him, he does not want to eat the dinner ... and you end up yelling at him. Sometimes parents get a squeal (and that's not why we're worse parents). However, we must be aware that educate children with shouts it does not lead us to achieve anything and, in fact, can have consequences for them.
In communication there is a basic principle that says: 'You cannot not communicate'. We are always communicating, whether we speak or not.
Therefore, it is important that let's take care of our words when communicating with our children, but also when we are at home or at work. Without saying anything, we are saying a lot. This is seen very clearly, for example, in the body language of our teenagers.
To achieve good communication we must take into account that, in a highly emotional communication, that is, taking into account the attitude and feelings, only 7% of said communication is the words, the rest, 93%, stays in the nonverbal language. This principle has its origin in 1967 by the famous psychologist Albert Mehrabian, known for his work in the field of non-verbal communication.
Having said that, what happens when we are yelling at our children? Do you think they listen to what you say or are they blocked by the high tone you are using? What part of communication is dominating the most?
Mehrabian also added that of the 93% previously mentioned, 38% corresponds to the voice (projection, intonation, tone, resonance ...) and the remaining 55% to body language as they are gestures, eye movements, hands, postures… Giving rise to the 7% -38% -55% rule that we continue to use today.
Therefore, educating with shouting, in addition, deprives our children of many learnings.
1. They do not learn by example what respect is.
2. We do not provide healthy education for family and personal well-being.
3. We do not teach them how to relate favorably to other children or adults.
4. We can't keep a good relationship parent-child, mother-child, or joint family relationship.
5. They do not learn to self-manage emotions, above all, maintaining self-control.
6. It can cause fear in the child, or even create an internal conflict in the face of the image or feelings, that until that moment he had of his father or mother.
7. We are not showing them anything positive for their development and learning.
8. And most importantly, we are ceasing to be those loving parents who want to use positive language as a first resource for their future lives.
Definitely, educating without shouting will lead us to achieve more of what we want than when we use the scream to achieve it. And for this, I want to tell you that there are other tools and practices that you can put into practice if what you want is a positive and highly effective education in values:
- Limits management
Limits are the best way to educate our children. If you do not have them, check why you do not put them, since it will be a matter more yours than the child's own (conscience, guilt, fear of confrontation, that he does not stop loving me ...).
- Positive reinforcement
Use language that empowers him and feels like you understand. And of course, accompany them with good intonation, gesticulation and care in your body state.
- Set standards
Can you imagine a coexistence without rules? Where each one would do what they wanted without respecting the other ... I don't ...
- Positive Communication
This means that there is always a positive side to circumstances, situations or conversations, help your son or daughter to recognize it.
- Practice empathy
Always remember that when children get angry they have a POSITIVE INTENTION. Try to find out what it is, because in many cases it is inattention and affection (and you must be vigilant to recognize the symptoms of lack of affection).
- Stay away or avoid punishment
In my opinion, I do not recommend them in any case, I am more in favor of talking and negotiating to reach a common point of agreement.
- Be loving in any of the circumstances
Always give a lot of love to your children as it is a necessary ingredient to achieve good emotional growth.
If from all that has been said, you lack skills to put it into practice, the invitation that from Guiainfantil we make is: first review your skills and then take care of enjoying the relationship with your child.
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