Couples worry about a thousand things at once when they become parents: food, clothes, toys, a safe environment, a good future school for their children ... Things that facilitate their development, however, they tend to forget that they and their way of interacting at home are the first thing that children learn when it comes to facing the world. Both inside and outside the home. Monitoring our behavior in front of children will help us avoid some very common mistakes that do not set a good example for children.
Fathers and mothers are the first object relationship and contact with the world of children. This is why you automatically become a compass or role model for your little one. For this reason, it will follow your steps no matter what you do, nor whether it is right or wrong to do it, because children do not yet possess the ability to discern what is 'good or bad'. For them it is simply 'If mom or dad does it, then so do I.'
And how do you think your child sees all this? Well, normally and that is precisely the worrying thing about the matter. The more negative or limiting behaviors you perceive and interact with, the more the idea will be created that this is how to relate and function.
During childhood, children are sponges that absorb the information that is around them to record it in their brain. It is a developmental mechanism for can adapt and survive the environment. Therefore, the guidance they receive during their first years of life is significant for them to know how to solve and face the obstacles that arise, regardless of their complexity.
What we teach at home stays with us much longer than what we learn elsewhere, because it is the basis of our values. So it doesn't matter how many things you shower your kids with, if you don't make an effort to be a good example for them, they will not become exemplary people. And I'm not talking about being a trophy parent who never makes mistakes, but about teaching responsibility, overcoming them, and learning from them.
What are the mistakes that parents make most often that don't set a good example for their children? Here are some of the most common.
1. Not saying good morning
That is, put courtesy aside. How many times do you enter a site without saying good morning, appreciate someone's service or even inside your home? Recognizing small daily actions (or not doing it) transmits a negative message to your children about how they have to treat people in their different fields, as well as we teach them to appreciate what they do and their performance in it. This makes the difference between a nice person and a rude person.
2. Worship them blindly
Believing that your children are perfect children is a mistake that even they will resent in the future. Designing an environment where everything revolves around them, when reality is far from the same, can make them become selfish, abusive or always find a way to get their way to get what they want. In this way we are transmitting to them that they will always be the center of attention.
3. Do everything for them
Taking them away from experiencing the world through games, outdoor activities, or solving all their problems, rather than letting them try, will only create dependent people and this can result in two ways.
On the one hand, they can end up being people with confidence and self-esteem problems by not feeling capable of doing things on their own, holding back from trying to do something new and clinging to those who promise to give them everything. However, they could also become people who will use emotional manipulation or their positions of power to manage others and solve everything for them.
4. Punish and yell at them
Constant yelling, unreasonable demands, meaningless punishment, name calling, or being too permissive. They can lead children to generate aggressive tendencies to solve their problems or to express their disagreement. Nor can we ignore if oppositional tendencies are generated with authority figures, problems of interaction with their peers and conflicts to express their feelings. These may be because they don't have the opportunity to do it or to handle frustration at home.
5. Do not teach them what empathy is from a young age
Empathy helps children overcome their natural stage of selfishness, in that way they are able to appreciate the things they have, the rewards for their work, the value of collaborating with others and being grateful. But when a child is forced to be 'good' empathy can be seen as a punishment and in the future they will want to disengage from it.
Therefore, if your little one makes a mistake or does something serious that harms a person, explain what he did wrong, what his behavior generated and that his apology will help that person no longer feel bad. This strategy is much better than doing it by force.
6. Not respecting them (and complaining that they don't respect you)
Respect is given to those who grant it, that premise is also valid in the home between parents and children. If you don't have respect for the tastes of your little ones, the activities they want to do or the things they want to learn, then you are teaching them that respect is not a value but an imposition and that their opinion does not count.
Therefore, the opinion of others will not count, as well as their feelings or preferences, after all, if you as a parent do not respect your child, why should he respect others?
7. Do not teach them that by making mistakes we also learn
But talking about respect, appreciation and empathy with your little ones at home will be useless if you don't put your words to the test. Remember that actions have more weight than words and it is precisely these that your children will learn, because they need to see you doing it. As I mentioned before, it is not about being a trophy parent, but about learning from mistakes and making them a valuable teaching for your children.
As you all know, there is no manual for being a good parent, but one of the fixed thoughts you surely have is: who do I hope you will become in the future? And it is possible that your answer is: in an excellent person. But there is only one effective way for you to guide him to it. Look in the mirror and ask this question:what example do I want to give my son?
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