If I asked you what you have done when you have seen the good grades that your son has obtained this term, surely you would tell me to give him something that he is excited about as a reward. And if I told you what did you do when you saw that he has not cleaned his room even though you have told him several times, surely the word punishment is included in your answer. Is it impossible for you too educate your children without rewards or punishments? Me. That is why I have started to investigate about the Montessori method and his techniques for educating children without these kinds of things. Do you want to know what I have discovered? Keep reading!
'I've told you three times to brush your teeth and you haven't.' 'Another time you're late for school because you don't get dressed on time.' 'You will be punished without television until tomorrow' ... These are phrases that I have said to my 7-year-old more than once and more than two. Quiet, I scold him as almost all parents on the planet usually do, but I also say good things to him such as: 'you have earned a toy for the good grades you have gotten'.
The fact is that the other day I started to wonder if being scolding with punishments included will not make him feel more insecure. And I also began to ponder the issue that if it will not be counterproductive to reward him with something then he will end up doing his things to get the prize and not because he has to do them without more. Of course, all this on paper seems super simple, the complicated thing comes when it comes to starting it up. Let's see what it says the Montessori method about educating without rewards or punishments. Maybe it will help us.
1. Prepare your home environment
To educate in the Montessori method, first of all, a home environment must be prepared in which the child can learn by himself through real experiences. And this goes from the first stage of life, in which the little one knows the world around him, until the following ages in which he needs material to learn knowledge such as numbers and letters. It is key to fostering a child's own innate curiosity.
2. It allows the child to have the autonomy they need
It is about giving the boy or girl the respectful support they need while allowing them to have their autonomy, make their own mistakes and learn from them. Only then will he be able to function well in the real world in his childhood and in his adult life.
3. Punishments and rewards NO, consequences YES
Once we have created the basis for educating children from birth according to the Montessori method, we can go on to talk specifically about rewards and punishments. This method, like many others based on respectful parenting, says that we should not say the words 'punishment' or 'reward' at any time. Instead we will discuss consequences based on the child's actions.
For example, if your child is lazy when it comes to putting on his pajamas and brushing his teeth ...
- A punishment It would be: 'since you haven't done your things when you had to do them today, you're not going to watch television and you're going to go straight to bed.'
- A prize It would be: 'Since you've done everything right, I'll let you watch television for a little while before going to sleep.'
- And one consequence This would be another: 'if you brush your teeth and put on your pajamas, now you will have time to watch TV or play for a little while, if not, it will be time to go to sleep, you decide.'
As you can see, the result is the same. If the little one does his things he will be able to do something else before going to bed and if not, then he will have to go to bed because it is time to sleep. However, the way of saying one thing or another is totally different.
The idea is that the child does not see this type of thing as an imposition, especially when the end of the day arrives, he is tired and does not feel like putting on his pajamas; but understand it as something else that needs to be done and later, if there is time, you can do something that you like a lot, such as watching television or playing for a while with mom and dad.
Let's see what are the main advantages of leaving aside punishments and rewards according to the Montessori method.
- Children's abilities are stimulated
The method of educating through consequences is of great help to stimulate the individual capacities of each child since they are given room to be as autonomous as possible.
- Self-motivation is increased
Self-motivation as well as self-discipline and responsibility are greatly favored, since it is the child who decides to do things for himself and not because the adult has repeated it numerous times.
The child feels proud of himself for doing everyday things without the pressure of a punishment to be carried out.
- Self-esteem is reinforced
It has been proven that educating with consequences instead of rewards and punishments is of great help for children to gain confidence and the much-needed self-esteem.
- Strengthen cooperation
Children feel like one more when it comes to doing tasks according to their age, which reinforces cooperation, communication with the family and emotional ties.
Now that you know all the keys to educating without rewards or punishments according to the Montessori method, are you also going to bet on it?
You can read more articles similar to Keys to educate children without rewards or punishments with Montessori, in the Limits category - On-site discipline.