When we are mothers, we always tend to live one step ahead of the rest. To look to the future and to worry about things that will still take a long time to come. Surely, at some point in raising your children, you have looked them in the face and thought about the moment when they pack their bags and close the door of your house forever! It is what is known as empty nest syndrome And, although there is time, the image is shocking and painful, right? It does not hurt to prepare.
In the 1980s, this concept became fashionable to determine all the affective phenomenology that occurs in the couple when their children leave home. Both men and women suffer, because it is a very important change in their lives; It can also be difficult for children, who do not want to see pain and sadness in the eyes of their parents, butWhy do some parents suffer from empty nest syndrome and others don't?
Actually, we should talk about mothers, because it is an ailment that affects women more, and occurs because of the longing or nostalgia that our children's independence produces when they become adults. And it is that the bond that a mother establishes with a person who has been within her for 9 months, who has brought to this world and who has nurtured with affection is very strong. Gone are the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the arguments ... Times in which everything was uphill, but in which love has always pushed you to reach the top.
However, for the empty nest syndrome to be recognized effectively, two previous underlying causes must occur (according to Antonio Boliches, psychologist):
- A certain degree of dissatisfaction with respect to the quality of the couple's relationship.
- A certain desire to leave the partner and that has been repressed so as not to abandon the children.
Therefore, the mother's sadness is not only because her child leaves the nest (supposedly it is a happy event because your child is already independent and can make his life on his own), but because the necessary warmth remains in the nest to continue.
When love subsists in the couple, the empty nest syndrome can be lived but it is solved more easily and quickly. For this reason, we call on the care and love of the couple to avoid possible insurmountable consequences, once the children leave home.
- First, get ahead of this process and start taking care of yourself much earlier the moment of independence of the children. Dedicate time and love to continue nurturing the intimacy of the couple.
- Secondly, Talk about it and how you feel. Try to share what things you would like to happen from now on, how they could happen and what you would need to avoid the empty nest syndrome.
- Propose this new period of life as an invitation to a second round of the relationship. It can be a good time to do hobbies as a couple such as dance classes, sports or travel. Or, why not, to study again and complement your training.
- And, although you have to take care of the other, don't forget to take time for yourself: painting classes, going out with friends, learning a new activity ...
- Also care for petsIf you don't have it, you can adopt it.
- Go to an NGO To continue caring for other people, or simply to take care of yourself and your partner, can be activities that will make the empty nest syndrome live in a positive way.
The departure of your son from home makes you all have to relocate because each one will assume a new position in the family. Your partner stays at home and you and your child are already in another sphere. The relationship will no longer be the same, it will be different, but neither better nor worse, just different! What to do now?
- Cry if you feel like it, laugh if it comes from inside you or kick if anger pushes you to do it. The emotions are there and you have to accept them, normalize them and express them.
- Never forget that you will remain his mother, even if you now have other functions. He or she will continue to turn to you, although they will do it differently.
- Establish family moments. You can do it on a scheduled basis or give free rein to improvisation, but that visits to one house or another are frequent, yes, always respecting their privacy.
- Take advantage of new technologies to keep in touch. A like on Instagram, a funny message from time to time on WhatsApp, an email with an invitation to eat ...
It is difficult to get used to the changes, but with patience, good will and time, you will achieve it and you will achieve it! Remember when you announced to your parents that you were leaving home?
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