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Parents must be realized by themselves and not through their children


There are parents who make the mistake of giving their children what they did not have, but behind this behavior there are many dangers. Problems of frustration in the child, of feeling pressured, of preventing them from choosing their destiny. Parents must be realized by themselves and not through their children. The adults had their chance, now is the time for the children.

And maybe that's why we buy a lot of things for them, especially those things that we would have liked to have as children. Is that going to make you happier? The answer is overwhelming: NO. There is no study that links happiness to having many things or many toys.

There are many fathers and mothers who say 'oh, I wish I had had this when I was little', and without even asking or thinking if their son or daughter likes it, they have already given it to them. Why? Behind this behavior there is a feeling of guilt. Parents feel guilty because they are not spending as much time as they would like with their sons and daughters, and because when they come home from work, they are tired.

That guilt sometimes makes us make a decision that is easy, thinking that this way our sons and daughters will be happier (for example, heating a pizza in the microwave instead of preparing a healthier dinner). In the medium and short term, this behavior of ours is going to turn against us.

On the other hand, we also have to be very careful what we look for through these types of attitudes. Perhaps our personal fulfillment? Sometimes, instead of realizing ourselves through ourselves, we are realizing ourselves through our children, and this can be very dangerous, because you as an adult have to realize yourself.

You have to be proud and proud of your child, and it is also important that you let him know, that you tell him and that you make him notice it. But you can never try to fulfill yourself through them or put all of your expectations on them, because you are placing a weight or a burden on them that the only thing that can do is to frustrate them gratuitously and hinder their natural path.

Sometimes, unwittingly and unconsciously, we are marking the path that you would have liked to do and that you can no longer do. You already had your chance, now is your son's or daughter's time.

When we let ourselves be carried away by consumerism, we enter into a dynamic of wanting more and more things and we focus on what we don't have instead of what we have. We live in a tremendously consumerist societyWe cannot avoid that, but what can we do so that it does not affect our children? How can we avoid raising excessively consuming and compulsive children?

Here we have to stop well and observe. But, not observing our son or our daughter, who we have to take a good look at is ourselves. How consumerist are we? Why? Children mainly learn by modeling, that is, they copy their reference figures, which are usually their parents, parents and teachers.

- Associate leisure with spending money
On the subject of consumerism, parents carry a lot of weight, because mom and dad are usually the people with whom children go out of the house and share more leisure time. This is normal, but the problem comes if we associate that getaway and having fun with consuming and spending money. We have to link that moment of family happiness to situations, moments, to play for a while, to be with friends, to a good conversation, but not to money at all ...

- Enter the culture of throwaway
Many times when we get fully into that culture of throwaway. We buy things because they are cheap or because they cost little, and we do not need them, but they are there and they are quick and easy to get, so it is also good for children to learn to wait.

- Do not teach them to appreciate what they have
Ask yourself the following question: When do you really value something? When it has cost you a little to have it! True? And having it a little bit does not mean the amount you have paid for it, but the effort you have needed to obtain it. That is why it is very important to work on these concepts with the children, so that they see that certain things have to be earned.

- Avoid transmitting the value of effort
And the big question comes: 'How are they going to do it?' Obviously they are children, they do not have to work, but they can help at home. Each family has to think about how their son or daughter has to earn it, it can be by helping a little at home, setting or removing the table, doing homework, studying, respecting adults, correcting the way of speaking ...

- Prevent them from enjoying things
Let them wait a bit until they have a certain award, for example, and once they have achieved it, let them think about what it generates and the emotion they have felt when having it with them. Afterwards, the most important thing is to enjoy it and not pile it up with the rest of the toys.

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Video: . History: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver HBO (September 2020).